therightnippleofarcher:

incomplete list of weird shit sans has done:

• put a quantum physics book inside a joke book inside a quantum physics book inside a joke book inside a potentially infinite number of quantum physics and joke books
• plague papyrus’ life with incidental music
• create a self sustaining tornado made of trash
• put a flashlight without batteries into the bulb socket of his lamp
• chug an entire bottle of ketchup which is apparently a regular thing for him
• teleport back and forth a short path to follow you and then act like you’re the one who’s following him
• work like 5 sentry stations but is either not at any of them or asleep on the job and yet keeps getting hired at new sentry stations
• sell water sausages in hot dog buns for 30 g a piece at his sentry station
• stack said water sausages in hot dog buns on your head if your inventory is full
• but only up to 29 sausages. 30 is just excessive.
• sell concert tickets made of toilet paper for you and shyren’s concert
• write “sans” on a lump of snow as a snowman
• write “sans” on his face as a halloween costume
• ride a tricycle down a highway that can keep up with the racecar papyrus is driving
• break into the underground’s most expensive restaurant to have a private talk with an 8 year old
• said private talk consisting of “I could kill you if I had to. actually nvm I’m rooting for you kid”
• “you’re not dead so I did a great job at keeping you safe right?”
• come across a giant door hidden deep inside the woods where he’s supposed to patrol for humans and his first thought is “man this would be great for practising knock knock jokes”
• he practises his knock knock jokes on actual doors who the fuck does that that’s so cute
• judge the trustworthiness of someone he’s never seen face to face based on how much they like bad jokes
• the conveniently shaped lamp
• when you reload your save multiple times in the hallway in pacifist route he tells you a series of code words and the code words are “I’m a stupid doodoo butt” and “I’m the legendary fartmaster”
• instead of giving you the key to his room he retcons it onto your keychain
• when he gives you the key he all dramatically says “It’s time you learn the truth” but when you go to his room you get stuck on a treadmill with a note that says “the truth is that you got owned, nerd…..”
• whenever he says he’s going somewhere he walks off in the complete opposite direction
• in pacifist end when everyone’s interrupting your fight with asgore he moves next to toriel by floating off the top of the screen and then reappearing from the bottom instead of just walking over like a regular fucking person
• sometimes he runs a comb over his completely hairless head
• this: